you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
