Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
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Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
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I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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