I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
