I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
