Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
kristin has been a bad kristin
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
