Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
