im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
