i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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