I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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