Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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