These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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