If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize