I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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