things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
