My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
its not stalking. its research.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
