Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize