new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
