Where are you?
In a non slutty way
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize