dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
