my phone needs a breathalizer
Banned from zoo.
Again?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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