My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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