people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
