I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have already put on my inside pants.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
