he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
