so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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