We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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