I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize