I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We just shotgunned beers for America
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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