How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
