Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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