I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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