party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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