Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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