Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
