Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
