Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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