the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
