My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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