so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
