So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
ttyl tear gas
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize
