I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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