I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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