it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
