I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
