dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
