dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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