You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
