just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
