I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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