so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
