Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
