Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
