I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
