That's intense
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
