I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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