I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
FUCK WHALES
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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