I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
