You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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