Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
