New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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