I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
