Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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