I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
