We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
