He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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