He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
