It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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