I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
