Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
