i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
